did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When did angry sex become our thing?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
