1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
