if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize