I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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