My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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