Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
