I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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