Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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