I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
