Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
