please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
