dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
