I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
