He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
