I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
