Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
this boner is exhausting
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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