Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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