goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
