We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
