when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
