Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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