so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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