why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
