Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
