hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Everyone says I win the strip club
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
