so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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