Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
