I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
