i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize