clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
