Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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