She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
