You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize