Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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