White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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