Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
