i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
