Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You were trust falling into bushes
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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