oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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