the condom got lost in my hair
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
