You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Houston, we have a squirter
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
