We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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