A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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