Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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