Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
True strength comes from lack of pants
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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