We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
