Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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