My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
