I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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