He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize