Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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