she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
