peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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