I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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