i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
