With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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