hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
