He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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