i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
