Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
