I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
