im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
