I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize