let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
