Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
