Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
