Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
ttyl tear gas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
