Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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