If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i've created a new STD.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
